In whatever we commit to do, we all just want to give it our best-est shot. Without any compromise, human mistakes, and deliver nothing less than what is our benchmark of ultimate perfection. And the effort and dedication doesn’t stop there till that satisfaction that whatever being implemented is nothing short of the very best you can give.
Irregardless whether it is anything big or small.
In this industry, this is my professional reputation that clients and experts know me for. Till i get asked so much of when and whether do i ever sleep or take time out of work for personal life. And if any client don’t get a response from me either via texts, calls or emails within an hour or 2, they immediately can sense that something is not right, and the next text i’ll receive is “Mei, is everything okay?” or similar questions.
I can’t change the fact that i’ve been a perfectionist all my life. No matter how many projects and clients i’m handling, my level of commitment once i choose to accept that particular job, remains the same. But especially at regional level, there is absolutely no room at all for any sort of human mistakes. Getting paid in SGD also means work and deliverables have to be totally infallible.
The world out there is limitless and uncompromising. At times, i ask myself what and where is the line between what and when is okay and when is enough, enough?
No doubt, i truly love what the nature of my work. Both runs in my blood – marketing, strategy development and medical knowledge; the latter only for the fact that not only i’ve almost every illness out there that i’ve spent years reading up medical journals and subscribe to email chains from international journals on the latest development for most therapeutic areas to understand my illness better, but it is also a personal interest of mine although Science has been my worse subject apart from Math all through my schooling years.
This year, 2025, has been a truly epic one as yes, career-wise i’d say it’s the best year ever for me and i’ve been working my ass off to personally service every single client as i truly have been taught mimicking mum, growing up, on the importance of personal touch be it with clients or experts alike.
But at what cost? In less then 6 months, i’ve already experienced twice near-death experience. I can literally feel my body getting weaker especially with this latest episode, with very much reduced energy levels and concentration ability. And i’ve just received an offer from my supervisor to convert my MBA into a full-fledged PhD instead after he read my draft thesis. But i did also consider the fact that i’ve no plans to enter the academia as i do not think leading a bunch of minions is my interest or forte 😱
Sometimes i wish i can just have the ability to slow down, take a pause and just take the time to rest and recuperate. For my mind, body and soul. But i also know i do not have the luxury as once i take time off, when i return, i might just have lost everything i strived and fought so bloody hard for.
At the end of the day, a heck lot of existential questions come to mind.
Looking at my circumstances, in the end, do i really have to make the dreaded choice and decision between pursuing the passion and love i harbour for my work vs. the toll it is taking on my health? Knowing also there is no question to thread any in-betweens or a balanced middle line…
What lies next? I’ll just continuing striving and do my best and leave it to God’s hands and His plans for me.
“Mungkin cahaya dan impianku
Di sini gemilang
Lalu ku redah onak duri dan lautan api
Kemuncaknya ingin ku tawan, aku jelajahi…
Kini gemilang itu semakin pasti ku genggam
Gemilang suara keyakinan kian dalam
Gementar harus jangan, jiwaku harus bertenaga
Mungkinkah ini menjadi realiti?…”
~ Gemilang, Jaclyn Victor ~