These are the times I really give God my fullest and ultimate gratitude for His bountiful grace in blessing me with so so so much more than I ever really deserve.
And I believe He has a purpose for me that is far greater than the sum of my sufferings and pain. My fervent hope is to be able to live a life of purpose to enable this purpose that I’m destined for, whatever it may be, and fulfill it to the best of my ability so that when I face God at the end of my life, I can say to Him that I use all of the talents You blessed me with.
I am not the best, a sinner no doubt just like everyone. But in the new lease of life, I’m honestly and earnestly trying my best to live a purpose driven life. A life driven by God’s purpose for me.
My motto now is: “Die trying to live, NOT live trying to die…”
It’s not that I don’t struggle anymore now – it’s still the same reality being outside and the pain, the life stressors that is not work-related, the harrassments, nightmares, frustrations with my limitations post-admission, especially the cognitive related, struggles with emotions – all still persists and often overwhelms. I don’t open up to friends or family, but I’ve learnt to turn to writing, just like what I used to do in my younger days to cope. It’s most often not enough when the floodgates really overwhelms and consumes your whole but the voice, although it gets faint in times like this, reminds me of the motto I live and swear by now.
And tomorrow I open my eyes, I’m grateful for another chance at another day.